mine life....

hope miracle happen!!

2006-08-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

After a long break..From friday to tuesday..i am so lazy to go back to work..haha...
ACtually at the same time, i am so happy that finally from tml onward i wont be on the same shift with mine partner already...haha...because we are following the different perceptor..

For the past one week, i am having orientation..Finally escape from stress for a week.And tml onward,i will be on 12 hours shift..i just hope that everything will turn out fine..

Stress

2006-08-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

I am so stress...not only it's because of the place i am working in...but MAINLY because of the people i face when i go to work everyday..

Everyday,When i go to work,I will see this 2 person...one is mine preceptor, the other one is another SN for orientation too...

For the past 4 days, i came home everyday feeling stress...I am really going to break down very soon...

the partner that i am stuck with is very clever.. She will learn things as fast as the things is taught to her..sometime she doesnt' even need to practise..and she is like did it for a hundreds times before already..

So...everyday i got alot of scolding,nagging and alot of stress..but at the same time, i think mine luck is so lousy that no one would believe..

Imagine doing hypocount...I did like so many zillions time in the general ward already...and when it's mine turn to be assess...The machine turns out to have error after i apply the blood!! An unknown error called 'Error test 4'
When i do for the so many times, nothing happen..when i need to be assess, such things happen.

Another one is to off the arterial line.there is 2 pt to off the arterial line...so we each take one..The one she do is only the hand arteries line...Which is so similar to offing the normal plug..When it's mine pt, the pt have his line on the thight!! the femoral one...shit things just have to happen when it's mine turn!

Later when there is dressing, she again voluntate to do first,So she did her dressing without any hipcups..Then later, there is an urinary cath, the bloody sister asked me to do lor...so i did..That sister is standing there pointing and shouting wat i did wrong.But i am so sure that i didn't do the wrong thing..

Somemore mine that partner is like so cunning lor..she really know how to pretend infront of the sister lor...when we transfer pt to other ward huh, she never even help to push the bed lor..but when we are back into the ward, she faster take all the equipment and pretend to ask where is all the things put.

I really don't know how to survive lor...i am feeling so stress.s..everytime i think of going back to work, i want to cry..I really hope some miracle happen tml..

Yippe!! yeah yeah@@

2006-07-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

YESH YESH YESH!! I am so happy...so happy cause everything is solved..happy cause everything finaly found a solution for a time being..haha...

I should say i have been thru quite alot for the job hunting thing...For the past 2 and a half month...i haven really been enjoying this holiday..because I am waiting to be employ and at the same time i am scared of not finding a job..So i went for a mass nos interview..so far in 2 month, i have already went for at least 15 interview at all the different places..initially i was being rejected for alot of times..But after alot of sharpening and drilling..i am quite well prepare for the qns that is to be thrown to me during interview..haha..

Finally i found a job in Changi hosp..well..it was the first hosp that i sent in the application form..later i went to HPB and SNEC and NKF and even NUH and alot other smaller one like a few neighbour clinic and an eye clinic..

Finally i signed the appointment letter with CGH yesterday..And yest afternoon, SNEC told me that are interested to offer the post of staff nurse, NKF also..but i was quite stunned that NKF is interested in me, because from wat i know they only want experience nurse..HAIZZ..If only they called me earlier then CGH.. i think out of the 3 choices i would have choose either SNEC or NKF..because they are all closer to office hours..but anyway..Well well well...I am not boosting or talking big or trying to be 'KUA'

I just felt so relief now..because ever since 2 and a half yr back, when i was rejected by CGH.I felt quite aimless.haha...but it's over..haha...

2006-06-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

$112.00 Rock melon..WOW!!

2006-06-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

A $79.00 Watermelon..have u all eaten before??

2006-06-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

The SGD$180.00 Grapes..

2006-06-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

The world most expensive GRAPES!! SGD $ 180.00

StreSs

2006-05-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

Holidays is coming to 3 wk soon..The longer the holidays get,the longer i am worried..it's been some time since i sent in the application but...i had no reply till now...Haiz..Y is it me that get all the shitty things happen..Why must the SARS only come after i enrol into nursing making so many people joining nursing in a shot thus making me jobless..

I seriously getting more depress as the days goes..I have got no plan other then joining the hospital and becoming the staff nurse. I really don't know where should i go if i don't get employ soon enough...Haiz..

All the blame go back to me failing HS1033..That is when all the nightmare start.I am so sian now..What should i do?

2006-05-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

We we WE

2006-05-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

At north canteen...

2006-05-18T21:21:00.001-07:00

Night view...

2006-05-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Us at east coast..BBQing...look at our oily face..hehe

2006-05-18T01:41:00.000-07:00

We!!

BORED!!!

2006-05-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

Boredom have come looking for me again...5 months ago, when i thought that i have a BF, boredom will never look for me again...but i am wrong..Boredom look for anyone who is BORE!!!!haha...wat nonsense am i talking..ANYWAY!!

I AM SERIOUSLY BORED...Because...BF is having his reservices in a far away land called jurong...And...i got nothing to do...and...most of mine friends are busy...and..i just don't know wat to do to make me not bored lor...sian..I felt sort of lost mine focuspoint in life..

Previously when i am still studying...mine ultimate goal or focus is graduation...Now that i have graduated..i don't know what should be the next goal..Looking for a job should be a next goal...well well...i am already starting to work toward that goal..but i am just waiting for a reply...so meanwhile...i don't know wat to do...haiz...sian..

5 month have past, without anyone realising it...i am already 5 months with him...and i really being grateful by having him..because he is really so nice!!!

I seems to have lost the interest of blogging already..because it's been a month plus since i last blog...It used to be a daily regime then become 2 daily then 3 then weekly then fortnightly then now...a month plus..Anyway, i changed the skin finally..Althought it's not something very impressive, but at least it's something fresh...so bored of the naked women..haha...

Perhaps i should start studying the advance theory and be on mine way to passing mine license...hehe...

AIYO...so bored leh...But huh...even if mine friends ask me out to shop shop..i also bored..i really don't know wat i want leh..fussy irritating and stupid me...haiz...

Yucky gays!!!!

2006-04-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

I really cannot get over wat happen last night...i am so angry until now i still felt so unjustify..BLOODY GAY!!!

Actually i don't discriminate again gays...but yesterday that bloody idiot really make me thinks that gays are really yucky...

Mine bf and i was at the 24hrs you tiao da wang at geylang last night...it was as usual damn crowded...so...finally there is a table of people going off...mine bf saw, then he asked me to go over there...at the same time, this idiot was also walking over from the other side..so i hurried alittle lor..then i and the idiot reached the table at the same time, then i pretend pretend i never see him la...hoping he will walk off when he know that we are about to sit there liao...

BUT!!! he didn't...he didn't intend to walk away...instead he said:' Excuse me!! I think i reached the table first!!'

OH mine oh mine...I was so stunned when he said that..So i turned to mine bf,who have just reached the table..I told him wat the bloody gay had just said..He was quite angry too...he stared at the idiot..when he is about to argue back, that bloody idiot said something again...

He said in a totally diff tone of voice to mine bf:' Actually there is only the 2 of us, if u don't mind we can sit at the same table'..

In mine mind, i was thinking..who will want to sit with u...yuck...So i told mine bf to buy take away food...we can eat somewhere else...

Yuck...He must be thinking that if it's a female then can bully if it's a guy then cannot..because he likes guys wat...or maybe he is interested in mine bf la..haha...maybe he wanted to sit at the same table with mine bf, trying to chat him up..haha..

Mine...yucks..yucky gay..i seriously don't understand y u people will like someone who have exactly the same thing as u..

For me.. i think that being a couple...the utimate reason is to procreate..and since gays can't procreate...i seriously don't understand y they want to be together..

Attacment attachment and attachment again....!!!

2006-04-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight will mark the start of mine 1st NIGHT SHIFT!! Last time when i was in first year, i always mixed up afternoon shift with night shift because..i always assume that afternoon shift was night because i only finish the work at night..so i always thought that is also called night shift..Anyway..

I only wish that time can fly now...i really wish that when i wake up tml i had already finish the attachment..

Last week something rather unusual happen..I had this " Oscar winning" patient. He is called so is because everytime he is admitted he will groan and moan in pain, and claiming he is breathless..Anyway..Last week he is admitted again..again he present himself in that manner again..groaning and moaning...so when i was about to go home at night..he groan and moan especially loud saying he is breathless again..so we took his SAO2 la...just in case...And at that moment, His eyes rolled up-ward and with form at his mouth...mine god!! so i told the staff nurse that he had a fit..and when the SN came over, this time he threw a even more violent fit.
Suddenly he just went still....So the SN tried to feels his pulse...and suddenly, the SN turn to me and Said..PUSH THE E-TROLLEY HERE!!

I was so shock that when i went out to push the e-trolly i couldnt talk in sentences..i only asked the other SN to help me with the e-trolly without saying which bed and anything..haha...stupid me..

Anyway..i saw resuscitation that night..I was totally shock then..and alittle scared and was shivering..OH mine..althought it's not the first time i see...i was still shock...but anyway it's really a experience la..haha

And...mine ward got this super YAYA SN...she only grad like last yr and she is so super YAYA...oh mine oh mine...GOD....please do not put me with the same shift as her..if i am with the same shift as her, please do not make me the same team as her...

Other then attachment, life have been quite good...Just that i can't be meeting mine bf everyday like before..

I just hope that i will finish everything in time..And graduate soon..3 wks and 3 days to graduation.. 16 days of work left!!

Scared!!

2006-04-05T04:44:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so uneasy and little uptight and something just seems to be sitting on mine heart...i really don't feel comfortable...I know it's because of the results..
And i know i won't be feeling comfortable until the result is out to comfirm that i really clear all the module and that i am being awarded the diploma in nursing...I seriously hate exam..because i never fail to experience those panic attack before the release of the result...damm...

Attachment!!

It's almost been 2 weeks since i started attachment already...and the feelings is like quite yucky..haha..i don't know y..althought i got back to the ward i initialy wanted to go back...but i still don't feels as good..the thought of putting on NYP uniform and working there is seriously not very good..maybe it's also because mine uniform had srink so small that it make working diff..haha..anyway..The staff there is really nice..they are quite willing to teach us on the Staff nurses roles..but just that some of the EN are quite Ya ya...with the nose up there..haiz..anyway..

Actually that day i was again complaining to mine bf how pathetic it is to not get paid but doing the same work as the paid staff in the ward..And he told me that the student attached to his company..Althought they are paid..but they are not given any opp to learn. they are only paid to do things like shedding papers,drawing pictures and sort of clerk like things only..
He said i should feel glad that i am given so many opp to learn, althought i am not paid..but it's only very short-term.
Maybe i should learn to put mine sight longer and to look at only the short term probs...
SO..as usual, i will start counting down to the last day of attachment..after minusing off all the off day and sleeping day and public holiday, i am only left with 19 days to finish the attachment..Yeah``

Things are just not going in mine way...

2006-03-16T19:02:00.000-08:00

Haiz...yet another sad post..

Have you ever tried liking something or someone, when every other one say it looks terrible and awful but u just like it so much that u felt sad by wat other people say?

Well if it's too long a sentence, i can just make it shorter by simply saying that it means..People just don't agree to wat u say it's good and nice..

Haiz...i felt alittle upset and alittle irritated and annoy now..maybe it's because of a phone call just now..I called mine aunt to chat alittle because i got so bored by the books..

and she told me something really not pleasing to mine ears..haiz..
I really don't understand..

I can only conclude that next time when someone is attached around u and they ask how do u find their partner?...please do not give any negative comment if u don't really know the partner well..
Because it's really unfair to give any comment if u don't know their partner.Especially if the person attached is someone real close to u..i think the more they don't want you to give any negative feedback,rather they will want ur blessing more then anything else..

Unless their partner is really lousy or useless..if not please save all the useless and negative comment lor..

So...next time i will never bring my bf back home again..I seriously don't understand y they must say such thing..I let mine family know that i am attached is because i want to let them know wat is going on with me..but they choose to compare mine bf with mine sis bf..i am so utterly disappointed with them..next time i will never let them know anything lor...

let me apply the 3 term contigency:
A----Too friendly!!
B----Say negative comment about mine bf
C----Not telling them anything about mine bf anymore

Last day~~

2006-03-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

I am so sad...because tml is the last day of sch with NR0330 already...I always thought i am looking forward to this day,but when the day really come i actually feel so sad..haiz..Well...there is always a ending for everything..

Remembering the first day in NYP for orientation..The whole group had our lunch at north canteen, and the food sucks big time..haha..I thought that's it..i am going to suffer for 3 yr in NYP with this kind of food..

Next is hafiz..cause he really leave a impression on me even on the first day of orientation..and jenny..because i came out of the lec hall for toilet and i return to sit beside jenny..

Then to the first day of sch...In K-3 for wat lesson i forget already..and we all sit in the order like on orientation because we are kind of silly to think that there is actually sitting arrangment in poly for lectures..haha..

To the first presentation in sch..I was shivering like mad ok..and bead of cold sweat lor..haha..And to the first scolding...From caroline choo ok..now i think that time i really shouldnt have kept quite because we are in tertiary and lectures are not suppose to scold us like secondary sch kiddo..Piang..

Haiz..There is too many good memories from poly life already...i would like to thanks all people that make all the things possible..Which is everyone in NR0330!!
I really feel so sad now..

People..I know quite a nos of mine classmate write blog..so i really hope to find out that u all are doing fine from the blogs...So...keep updating ok...

2006-03-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

I am only left with 2 days to sch finish...I FINALLY finish the damm course..haha..only left with exams and final attachment..

It's a mixture of sad and happy and excitement now..Sad cause finish liao..happy cause it's a day i always look forward to from day 1 and excitement cause i am finally going to gain the status of staff nurse..

Have been continiously shopping for 3 days..I am tired...haha...Have been shopping for the clothes to wear for a friend's wedding...It's mine first invitation to a wedding,and i am quite excited about it..hehe..i think the second one should be to yelly's...Wah...exciting lor...hmm...i actually did imagine myself getting married too..haha..but i don't really like the ideas of inviting mine relative to mine wedding dinner..So i am seriously thinking of not even having a wedding dinner..haha..lalalalalala..i am so nonsense today leh...don't know y am i talking about all this..haha

Tml BK is having a exam..i am so anxious for him..haha...just hope that he could pass and may the "devil of failing" leave him as far as possible..haha..

sAD....WHy??

2006-03-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

I am sad...sad because just now mine dad asked me something..
Dad: Have u brought ur sis present?

Me:Haven..y leh?

Dad:Y don't we buy the thing that she said she wanted yesterday?

Me:...Up to u lor..since i haven buy anything..

Dad: Ok...actually i saw it at TAKA today..

Me: U really want to buy meh? it's so expensive??

Dad: That's y ask u to buy together with me lor..

I am so super sad ok??? Could someone tell me y?

Never in mine 20 year of life that mine dad brought me something that i wanted on mine birthday lor..and now..he actually wanted to buy something that is so ex for mine sis..I cannot even remember wat he gave me during mine last year birthday..A angbao maybe..I only remember that he brought me a cake a few year back because he is not going to be at home on mine birthday..Am i being too much to think that it's pretty unfair based on this case?
I am sad..really...That's for mine dad...

Now mine mum...i haven been talking to her for almost 2 weeks already...because she told me something i think i will never forget in mine life..she said that i am a DISGRACE TO HER!!
She said because i dont' wear make-up and dress up therefore i am a disgrace to her..
She even gave a $1400 diamond pendant that is supposely for me to mine sis, just because she think that mine sis gave her alot of face by being beautiful..

I really felt like crying now..Is it really i am too much? I told mine bf about mine mum...and that he said..maybe the problem lies with me..I really cried after hearing wat he said..

I just felt that i don't belong to this house lor..i really found no love in here..Last time when i am not attached, i will purposely come back early just to accompany mine dad because i scared that he will be lonely at home..but he doesn't seem to appreciate.Because back then i always felt that he is always trying to please mine sis who is always not at home...Since then i never purposely stayed to acc him anymore, because i felt maybe he don't need me at all..

Am i being rebelies?I don't know..I really feel like this place is a hotel..A place for me to sleep, rest, have mine clothes wash, something for meal...and a place to get mine allowance..

Maybe i will really decide to move out soon i am financially independent..Maybe i am really not needed in this house..maybe only mine sis is their daughter..

2006-02-23T10:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah!! finally going to finish the 2 weeks posting at IMH..i seriously don't like it there, despite all the staff in mine ward was pretty nice...HMmm....but just nothing will make me not bearable to leave that place...

I am so bored...I just don't feel too good now...exam is round the corner..in 2 weeks time i think..I have totally not started at all...PRCP Is coming too..I am just so bored over everything...bLeach!!

2006-02-13T23:48:00.000-08:00

It's 13 of feb today...about 11.06pm now...i am blogging..i am feeling quite awake after a few hours of slping..and i don't know how i am going to hypnotise myself to slp later...anyway...BORING!!

This post is going to be a Boring, grumpy and naggy post...so please!! if u don't want to be bored by me..it's time to stop reading it here..haha..

First day of attachment at IMH...And it's like bored until cannot lor...Nothing much to do..and there is like so many chairs there...but because we are well-trained to stand for 8hrs a day in the ward, The chairs seems to be less appealing to us..or is it because we are not trained to sit during our duty??Haiz..

I actually feel quite traumatized after 1 days of work there..because..The pt there is alittle different from us..I am not trying to label anyone or any place here...

Talking to the pts there can feel quite scary..It's like i am asking u '1+1=?' but u r telling me that after A is Z and after Z is G???Althought i have well prepare myself for this situation already..but it's really uneasy when not only 1 person is talking like this but like 20,30s others also talking like this at the same time..

I don't know if i have been too 'Kua zhang'...but i really dont' think i am up for the job there...while on mine way home in the train...suddenly some thought just came to mine mind...i start to wonder if all the people in the train is mentally healthy..I really began to wonder wat if everyone in the society began to behave like the patient..Suddenly the thought just started me...I quickly brushed the thought aside...Scary lor..

Actually at the same time, i also felt quite sad for the patient in the ward..because i seriously belief that no one wants to end up like that one day...they just can't control themself i think...Then i also become quite fretful that i might become like that one day...then everyone start to distance from me..began to scared of me..began to ignore wat i am going to say...even dont' believe wat i said..I never want that to happen to me and anyone near me..

Wah!! I really have so much thought after visiting that place..thinking that place really traumatised me..Maybe counting down might help me to calm down alittle..so...I shall start counting down now..hehe...9 days to holidays..YESH!!

Finishing IMH attachment

2006-02-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

It's soon going to mark the 2nd month of a relationship..And i am so excited..haha..because it's the first time that i am 2 month into a relationship and still so happy..OMG..this sentence sound so patheticly happy...anyway...it's going to be 2 month and many more month to come..hehe...let's hope so...

Just a few days back i was so super stress over the ICA paper..but now that it over..i felt alot relief, relief because it's over and partly also because i could do it..hehe..After the weekend, it's going to be 2 weeks attachment at IMH.Haiz...really no one from mine kuku gang is looking forward to it..mainly it's because that stupid place is really isolated...seems like everyone have got some prob with getting to that place, other then brenda cause she is like staying super near from that place...Lucky it's only a 10 day thingy..if not i go mad like the people there...And tml i am going to take the remaining cloth that i left from the other time to make another 2 new uniform...for the final PRCP..i think i am super scared for that attachment lor...but at the same time looking forward to it..

So it's going to be 2 weeks IMH attachment then 1 wks holidays then another wks back to class then 2 wks of study weeks and exam then finally 6 wks of PRCP then i complete mine damm nursing courses..It's only another 3 month to all the suffering...ENDURE is the golden word now...

Now looking back..time seems to flies..still remember the time when i flop one bio module because of the super-not-worth-it jerk..and spending another whole semester to repeat the module..that is so super not worth it..i really hope that this guy who is currently studying in MDIS( i think) flop every single modules he takes..if not then let him fail at least one modules every sem, to compensate all that he had done to me..

Also suddenly remember the first time to attachment..it's at Bedok polyclinic..the first time putting on the nurisng uniform out of the house, and i am so super not used to it..I thought every pair of eyes is on mine uniform but concluded that it's just me being too paranoid..haha..

Well well...A 3 yr course is finally coming to an end..But i am pretty sure that the friendship that i have made in the 3 yrs is definately not coming to an end...it's going to bloom better ever after...haha...

2006-01-30T22:30:00.000-08:00

Ric if finally coming back tml..After much waiting he is finally coming back..it's seems like i did not see him for like so super long already..but only 5 days had pass..haha..

Hmmm...the feeling of waiting is definately not good at all...Despite all the ang bao,i still feels something missing...ok ok..nvm..counting down the hours now..18 more hours to seeing him...haha..

2006-01-27T23:51:00.000-08:00

Mine Ric finally call...i really really really miss him so much lor...The moment i heard his voice, i began to tear liao..really cannot control lor...i also don't know y ..maybe too touched that i finally get to heard him liao if not then is too miss him liao

Glad to know he is safe and enjoying himself..I am really looking forward to him returing..i will fetch him at the airport of tuesday..hehe..

When i realised i got a miss call from a unknown nos..I was so super sad lor..cause i know i missed his called from korea...i really so pissed with myself!!Lucky he called many times after that..

2006-01-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...I am waiting patiently for tuesday to come...It's another 4 more days..haiz..Mine Bf is now Korea together with his sister and his sister's friend...

Yesterday i went to sent him off at the airport..althought i didnt cry..but i almost cried because when he enter the departure gate, there is a group of women tearing..piang...almost trigger me to tear too..but i manage to hold back, futhermore he will only be there for 5 days...

I skip sch the whole days just to acc him before he enjoy himself in Korea...keke..I help him with his packing and i only realised that he have got a mountain full of bags...small one big one..all kind of size..wah..Incredibles...

Don't know if he is now in the hotel resting or having dinner at somewhere...or sight seeing..i am still waiting..waiting for him to call me or see him online..hmm..I just hope that he really enjoy himself there..and i hope that he don't leave me alone here again..haha...please bring me to where ever u can!! haha...Actually he is nice la, he did ask me wether i can go with him..but i really can't la..still have to go to sch mah..and it's the lunar new year leh...

Mine family is having early reunion dinner this year..One day before hand..Mine sis brought his bf back to have reunion dinner with us..Make me miss mine BK even more...sob sob!!

SAD!!

2006-01-20T06:05:00.000-08:00

Ric is sick..i am sad...I am so feeling so uncomfortable..mine neck so stiff..Super sad too...

Hmm...Every inch i move is killing me lor..Damm man..i should have change the pillow long time ago..i don't know if i have got super heavy head or wat..mine pillow always become flatten after some period of using..I have like change 3 or 4 pillow ever since i shift to mine current place...and mine sis is still using the one we brought when we first come here..I am really wondering lor..wat is wrong with mine head..maybe i am not suitable to use pillow or wat...i should have use brick kind of pillow or rather straw pillow..haha...those that don't sink or flatten.. Maybe next time the first qns i asked the sale person when i buy pillow is: How much wt can this pillow take? haha...

Bf is sick...no one talk to me..so i talk to mineself online here...sound so crazy..haha..and since dear is sick yest, i have like posted more then i did in the past few weeks..haha..

Darling ar...please recover faster..i cannot go over and take care of u..i also cannot hear from u so often..i really don't know how r u doing...aiyo..make me worry sick also lor..

Tml got the open house thingy leh..I think i am bringing a big bag there to take all the open house goodies lor..haha..and i am thinking of getting the skirt for the sch fair leh...haha...should i?? hmmm...

Song song song

2006-01-20T05:48:00.000-08:00

This post is specially for Chan!!haha... This afternoon when she approach me in the lecture hall telling me that she actually reads mine post..i think it's one of the biggest shock for today..haha..it's like so out of no where should she come across this ku ku place of mine..haha..

How to insert the song into ur blog:
1) Go to www.iwedmusic.com, it's the place for script to alot of songs..

2)Then u have to register to use their things la..but it's free of charge..then u just log in and find the song title or the singer name lor..

3)Copy and paste the passage into ur template..and renew..tar tar...a blog with song..haha..

That's all folk..haha

2006-01-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

Here i am at mine bf house. I am suppose to be physically in sch now having tutorials and lecture and wat knots..but i decided to pong tang again...again again and again that i pong tang..aiyo..CMI!!

Poor ric is sick...With cough and sore throat and vomitting and diarrhea...i accompany him to the doctor and now i am at his place..he is sleeping so soundly after all the medication.I saw his grandma, and his maid..And i am like so pai seh...i really don't know wat to say leh...so i just stay in the room..facing the com and decided to blog again while i wait for him to wake up.I am still wondering if i should just skip the whole days lesson..haha..i am so tempted to do so leh..but the person having mc today is not me leh...haiyo...haha...

Having to come all the way to CCK from mine place is such a long distance..i finally can fully understand how Ric must have felt too everytime he sent me back home and come to CCK again..TIRING!!

Boring boring

2006-01-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

I am blogging in the sch computer lab again..it's like so boring lor...another 1 hrs before lecture. it's a all lecture day today..usually i will plan to skip sch like today...but i am here..waiting for a 5pm lecture later..and it's so unusal..Haha..anyway..

Like have been very busy lately..i actually not very clear with wat i am busy with..Sch have started for 3 wks already...and i am still not clear about wat mine porject is about...wat attitude i have leh..aiyo...cannot make it...

I have realised that i have lost the interest in writing recently..simply got no inspiration to write..a few month back, ideas on wat to write just come to mine mind like eating food..now it's just so hard to get me writing...even if i write, it's all nonsense...www.thecrankyjacq.blogspot.com is closing down soon liao lor..haha...

I used to have so many complain and so many nagging to nag.But now...it's like everything is only on the bf and the bf and the bf..haha..anyway..we have been together for 1 month and 3 days as of today..a sweet and wonderful 1 month i had..haha..

Hmmm...back to boring time again..bleac!!

wondering

2006-01-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

Hmm...life have been so good that i am starting to wonder if it's real..Haiz..i don't know if i am sensitive or am i being paranoid..

Yesterday i was packing out mine old stuff..i have this cupboard that store mine "memory" in a certain part of mine hosue..as i was too bored..i decided to open it to see again..So i took the keys to open the locked cupboard..it's actually quite interesting to once again look back at wat have happen before..so as i was flipping thru, i saw this diary..

It's an old diary about 2 yrs back..it have written down all the sad memory of before..mostly on Jeff and May..the 2 person that hurt me the most in mine life and some other "jerk" which include Mr B too..i didn't know i have know him for that long already.Anyway, i was quite disturbed after that..i started asking ric if he really love me..and y did he love me since i think i am so lousy.

I have become really cranky after that..not that i am being unreasonable, but i start to have alot of unnessecary doubt..i really start to wonder if mine so wonderful life now is real.

Ric have really been the most wonderful person i have seen so far..he really really did put in effort to care for me..i really felt loved...somehow i felt that i am worthy of his effort..Haiz..silly me...

I realised that i am usually very unhappy on mine birthday...i don't know y...am i cursed on mine birthday..haha...As wat is written in that diary. i was crying when it's on mine 18th birthday..i think i did that same when i was on the 19th and nothing change when i was 20..i was still crying..haiz..maybe from now on i really should not look forward to birthday..haha..anyway..i just hope that mine 21 will be a really nice one...i used to say that birthday wish usually dont'come true..Do i have to change that thinking since that i have a wonderful bf now..haha..Anyway...haha...watever!!!

As i was telling Ric about the diary...he suddenly asked me is there really nothing happy written in that diary..I ponder for awhile before answering him...there is really nothing in that book that is happy..OMG..

I think it's time to throw that book away already..since it hold no happy memory for me..y should i still keep it leh..hor?? haha...

It's a new year, a new begginning, a new relationship and a new starting..the old and bad and sad past should all be throw away...I had took out all the present and cards that all those other guys have given me before..and i planned to throw them all..Y bother to keep when they all make me cry...Right...

Smile!!

2006-01-09T02:49:00.000-08:00

It's been 9 days since i last updated..Life have been busy..busy but not with studies..haha..been busy par toring..OMG..

Everyday is like going out going out and going out...been going out so often that we seen to have run out of place to go..but it just nice with him around..oh mine..i sound so cheezy..haha.. excuse me...haha..

Sch have started for a week already..and i am like still in holidays mood.i just cannot concentrate when there is so many holidays and break in between lesson..i dont have to go to sch on every wed and monday for this sem..wat is this..i think i got to learn things the hard way..

2006-01-01T23:42:00.000-08:00

Happy happy new year to all!! Lets all hope that 2006 will be 10 times better then 2005. Hmm..althought 05 have some hipcups along the ways..but...it's definately a learning experience for me..

As i was reading yelly's blog..i realised that indeed 06 will be a super impt year to alot of us..Not that i will be someone wife..haha...but i too will be earing mine keeps then on...Graduating from poly and no longer just a O level grad..haha..

I spent the last moment of 05 at the big staircase of marina square...Well well, it's not something that i plan, i had wanted to countdown at esplanade but it's over whelmed with ants..or rather human look alike ants..hehe.. They have chocked the whole place that left us hanging around the staircase area..

I was with mine sec sch friend..Used to be just the 4 of us..but now it seem to double the amount with our partners..haha..ops..I brought mine bf this time..haha..in chinese there is a saying..ugly daughter-in-law still will have to see the in-laws one days..so..it's only a matter of time.

ANYWAY, MINE BF IS NOT ANY UGLY DAUGHTER-IN-LAWS...haha..I just wanted him to see the people i am mixing with..haha..He didn't disapoint me a single moment..thanks dear...keke..

Well...Alittle review of 05'
Studies:
As usual..lazy, but i still manage to pass..haha...and i am contended..i am not going to make anymore saying like i am going to pull mine socks or watever..cause i know i simply wont!!haha...i just want to be hard-working enough to pass mine final exams ya...

Love:
This section of mine life really had a big impact on me..from being cheated and lied to and hurt and used and watever..to being loved and felt loved and feels more love...haha..I still have to thanks Mr B who is no longer any part of mine life..and i have to thanks Ric tan...For being such a sweetie..haha..

Family:
I think the tension between mine sis and me have resolved somewhat..I somehow feels really glad that it did..Althought we dont' talk like everyday, at least we don't quarrel everytime we see each other..hehe..

Friends:
The 2 big group which makes mine life colourful. The first one is the sec sch friends..Spider, Xiwen and Bagay...Always there and i think still will be there..hehe
And The Poly gang, aka known as kuku gangs..Yelly,richard,brenda,faezah,syasya and hafiz...Who bought me a over budget birthday pressies...hehe..thanks people for always lending me a listening ears...

I just wished that 06 will be a super wonderful years...

Last day of attachment

2005-12-29T04:56:00.000-08:00

Tml is the last day of attachment for this time round...hmm..i always have the same feeling on the last 2 days of attachment. i feel alittle relieved and alittle sad..haha..complicated ya? Hmm..i relieved cause it's ending..sad cause i like working in that dept..haha..

A&E is really a good place to learn lor..i really do alot of things i don't get to do in the ward..see alot of things..u name it, i see it..haha..fracture...broken limbs..finger...deads...alot of things..cool man...

Maybe i don't really like OT that much..haha..anyway...lets' wait till the end of tml before i decide..haha..NYP..i am coming back...

2005-12-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

Life have been quite monotonous this few days...actually it's always the same boring days after attachment have start..and only a word can completely described it...BORING!! Haha...anyway...had a long weekend..friday to monday..as usual went out with him..

Because i was busy from friday to sunday..so i am only left with monday to meet up with the sec sch gang..but i was quite disappointed..because...they let me wait for AN HOUR before showing their face lor..

but wat can i say...haha..so mine monday was spent waiting and waiting for them lor..haha...

LOVEd

2005-12-22T04:54:00.000-08:00

I have some sort of choose OT as the place i want to head for after graduating..hmm..i don't know if i can go that place for mine PRCP..but i am able to.. i will be super delighted...haha...

I am so super happy this few days..all thanks to a special someone..finally i feel that someone actually LOVE me...i am not so lonely after all..So to be very appreciative and thankful..i will love the person equally much...hmm..This is the first time that i so openly admit that i am attached..i don't know y..maybe because i really found that trust i am looking for..haha..In the past when people ask me if i am attached, even if i am really attached at that time...i will hestitate to say yes..but it's totally diff this time..i can just say yes and feeling good...keke...

Haha...i am so love..i am so happy...i am so contended..i am so...GLAD!!

=)

2005-12-19T02:52:00.000-08:00

At about 12:07am of 17 december 2005, someone asked me a very important qns..and i think it sort of bring mine life into another new stage...HehE...Let's just hope it's not the beginning of another nightmare, NO NO NO...i shouldnt think like that..i should put in more trust..hehe..keke...

I am updating lesser and lessser recently..i think it's because attachment really drain me mentally and physically..i haven even been coming online everyday...i had miss so much stuff online..haha...but anyway..I watch 2 movies over the weekend, The promise and King Kong...Both are long hours movie..The promise is really nonsense..i dont understand how i stay in the cinema for 2 hours plus,watched finish the whole show but totally had no ideas of wat is the movie talking about..haha.. King Kong was slightly better, The movie is better but it's too long winded..it lasted for 3 long hours..and the little boy behind mine seat kept kicking mine chair..maybe i was too tall and kept blocking his view.Anyway..hehe..

I had a busy busy weekend. After work on friday. i went out with him and watch a movie and only came home at 2. then sat..i went wild wild wet and then to mine cousin chalet....and slept in the super small chalet..so i didn't had a good rest that night..then no sunday morning..i was drag by mine little newphews to the escape theme park..Because of some particular reason..i had to accompany them for all ride they want to play...then...after that...i came home for a bath..and went out again..this time to watch a movie also..keke..then i only reach home about 11+ and i was on the phone until 1+am before i get to slp...but i had to get up the morning at 7 for attachment..phew..hectic but playful weekend..keke..

Anyway..i am feeling very loved now..haha..opss..anyway...keke..haha...hohoh...christmas is round the corner again...hehe

TIRED

2005-12-14T04:18:00.000-08:00

tired...hmm...time really past faster when i am having attachment..and i like..haha..i think i have been talking about X quite alot recently..about how nice he is..but..i know seriously that..nothing will ever come out of it..cause i make sure nothing come out of it too...i love the friendship we are having..and i dont' intend to spoilt it by making some stupid decision and end up to sad ending...

haha...anyway...nvm..nonsense i am saying again..i am so tired lor..i haven really been touching the com recently...

And YESH!! cause i am going to chalet again this week end..yeah....CHALET I AM COMING...2 more days..keke...

Happy happy day..

2005-12-10T07:03:00.000-08:00

Oh mine oh mine....i had a super great day today...i had a little class gathering ..hmm...i asked them out..but i didn't expect alot to turn out actually..cause..most people are working..some are busy with this, busy with that..anyway...i was suprised with those that turn up today..because they are really those i never expected to see...like ivan, bennett...seng yong..because i am not really close with them..so i didn't expect them to turn up today..anyway..haha..happy to see them..

We had lunch at the restaurant called manhatten fish market.. It's at Plaza Singapura..and the food..SUX~~ I order fish and chip..and it's like so so only..the fish was so small..the fries was so crispy like biscuit..they don't serve individual serving of mayonise..and the untensils was like so old..and the services is terrible...And and and..so many complain..haha..but we manage to catch up with them there..haha...

Then we played pools at the nearby parklane centre..i was so lousy...mine god!!
haha...then we disperse after that..so i went to meet another group of friends together with X!! Then had dinner at pastamania..then the boys went to play LAN games..then the girls go for little shopping around bugis..keke..

After the games..we sat around for some drinks..then little chat..then i just came home..tired..haha...

Hmm....strange thought started flowing into mine brain again..because..i was with X the whole day...He was especially nice to me again today...He did something unusal...He shared his food with me!! It's like so not normal lor...he usually don't share, even if i offer..but today..he is ok..i passed him mine drink..and he actually took a sip..i was like so stunned..but i kept quiet..haha..Later when we sat down for a drink..he offer me his honeydew milk shake...but i didn't drink because i dont' like that drink..haha...

And...i went to look for him when he was playing the game together with the guys....i sat behind him..waiting for him to finish his game...

Other guys: XX, Play another round la...people want to challenge us leh..

XX: Don't want la...It will take another hour leh

Me:Play lor..still alittle early mah

XX: (Turn the face to me)U want to wait for another hours meh...Later u will be very bored leh..

Me:Erm..play lor..nvm one..*Smile*

Conclusion..He actually consider if i will be bored waiting for him..haha..he didn't want to play because he is scared that i will be super bored..

So after the second round..He ended the game faster then the other..Then he suggest that we go for a drink while waiting for the other guys..Oh mine Oh mine...He is thinking for me lor....Oh mine..

Hmm..am i thinking too much??haha..i must be thinking too much..haha

Aiyo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

2005-12-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

Aiyoyo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo...i am so tired leh...went for home nursing too...and we went to 5 homes..and it's like so super tired because of the big and hot sun!!I thought i am melting under the sun~~

And today...we went to the former house man quarter at SGH..The blk above the house man canteen..i think if they never transform it into office..and leave it to be empty..i am super sure it's a good home for the 'good brothers' lor...It's so super super scary..really spooky..even if i were there at 8am..the sun rise and shine..it still like it so spooky..richard said that once a nurse jump off that building after a quarrel with a house man..oh mine oh mine...And the lift to that building..i think the most it's only 1m by 1m big..and it's capacity is for 6 person..haha..i think the 6 person had to stack on each other to get in...

Anyway...the 3 student nurses really stick to each other during our attachment today...haha...i suddenly realised that..i am so lousy...I am already a yr 3 nurse...i haven get to try alot of skill..how am i going to pass out sia..i never did NGT insertion, never did Urinary cath, never did Injection other then subcu, never did alot alot of things..i think after a long time didn't do dressing and ngt feeding..i am starting to feel not so confident at doing it already..oh mine oh mine..i had to pull the socks up to mine nose already...

Anyway...i am 2 days done out of the 19days attachment..which also means..i am already 1/10 done..keke..i love counting down to end of attachment...
Days to finishing the attachment

Attachment again!!

2005-12-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

This is a big-day!! I had mine attachment again today..and it's like so super tired...8 to 4 shift today...by 3.30, mine brain isn't really functioning well already when jenny was asking me wat is temp for bed 6 or the BP for bed 2!!! OH mine Oh mine!!SHAGGGED!!! hahaha...But anyway...i am glad that i am back to work again...i am no longer slagging at home yeh!!!

Hmmm...tml is home nursing at Singapore general hospital..i hope i can stick to richard because we are going to the same place for this posting..i don't want to be like a dummer the whole day without knowing anyone..haha...

Haha...another good news...i am like 70% over Mr B already!!YEAH!! i know i can do it..hahaha....i just hope it don't go back to negative again..

And!!!!!! I am missing someone badly now..So badly that i am looking at the phone every 5 min to see if the person had reply me!! OMG!! Mr B's over and a new person is coming in!! WT**??Anyway!!

And...i am thinking of changing this 'i am so proud of' blogskin!!Because..i don't know if i am superstitious or am i being crazy...i some how think it's bringing me bad luck lor..hahaha...After starting to use this so super sexy blogskin..mine days wasnt really good..or rather worse then roller coaster!! HAHA...ANYWAY ANYWAY!!

2005-12-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

Haiz haiz...Mr B finally open his golden mouth to ask me not to wait for him already...which means...he really have finally decided that his darling gf is better for him...When he told me this sentences..i was alittle disturbed..but i wasn't crying...i guess mine heart had become callous to him...i expected it all along...i just wanted him to say it before i really stop all mine nonsense from going on..

Yesterday, i was crying again...(YA!! again!!) because he hurt me again( YA!! again!!)
I told one of mine friends the story..when i was crying badly...hmm...and he said something...which i think could be the line that really wake me up...
He said..." U don't have to be crying...the one crying should be him...because...U only lost someone who dont' cherish u..but he lost someone who loves him alot.."

After some thought to wat mine friend say...i think it's really true.. I only lost someone who don't cherish me..someone who always lie to me...whereras he lost someone who have always been very nice and care for him alot...I guess he lost out more...which mean...i had actually won the battle...which actually also make me feel alot better for myself..

Haiz...after 15 weeks of contacting again..he had hurt me enough...I have given enough too!! I had too many post of how he hurt me and how he make me cry..I guess it's really time to stop..i had promised myself it's time to stop for so many time..i guess i better mark mine words this time...because i dont want anymore people's ears to suffer because of him again...

Anyway..i had a long day today!! i meet up with yelly and richard for brunch then watched chicken little...after which i met Xiwen...for dinner and some talking again..and i saw mine old sch mate...hmm..it's nice catching up with them...especially when u know that each of them are really living their life well...hmm...

2005-11-30T02:02:00.000-08:00

Ok..people...i have put up most of the pic from the thailand trip..hehe..happy looking...leave me some comment ok...yelly and richard..if u all want me to remove certain photos...please inform me asap ok...

2005-11-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

Yelly yelly....pretending not to know i am taking her photo...hehe

2005-11-30T01:39:00.000-08:00

Oh mine....The pros making a very pro handsign...haha.

2005-11-30T01:34:00.000-08:00

I took this myself again..sad!!..haha...

2005-11-30T01:25:00.000-08:00

Another lobby pic...

2005-11-30T01:23:00.000-08:00

A pic of the hotel lobby...richard and yelly in front...they look like they are holding hands...haha...just kidding..haha..

2005-11-30T01:22:00.000-08:00

Finally get to take a photo of the tuk tuk...althought we didn't have a chance to take a ride on it....but it look quite dangerous...really fast and furious lor..

2005-11-30T01:21:00.000-08:00

A more handsome shot of mr tay la..haha...compenstate for the previos one...

2005-11-30T01:16:00.000-08:00

A super close up shot of Mr Tay...i think he will yell at me if he see this..haha...

2005-11-30T01:14:00.000-08:00

We came to this restaurant for 4 straight morning ok...haha...because they serve fantastic food...yum yum...

2005-11-30T01:12:00.000-08:00

Our luggage on the day of returning...we came with only 3..but went back with 6...

2005-11-30T01:11:00.000-08:00

Yelly say she *something* on the wall...in the middle of the night...Oh mine...

2005-11-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

yet another view...

2005-11-30T00:54:00.000-08:00

Another view...it's the hotel's tennis court...

2005-11-30T00:53:00.001-08:00

A view downstair...it's super dark at night..there is no light at all...

2005-11-30T00:53:00.000-08:00

Another view to the right...There is the BTS station with the blue cover

2005-11-30T00:47:00.000-08:00

The view from the hotel room...

2005-11-30T00:46:00.001-08:00

Yet another one..this is a darker one..but also nothing...haha..

2005-11-30T00:46:00.000-08:00

Another pic of that corner..but we couldn't see anything in the photo...

2005-11-30T00:45:00.000-08:00

Half-asleep richard posing for a photo..

2005-11-30T00:43:00.000-08:00

Hmm...Richard and me saw something extra-ordinary at this corner of the room...but yelly didn't...

2005-11-30T00:42:00.000-08:00

The cinema ticket!! We manage to catch a movie during the second last day...The cinema is fantastic...so nice...

2005-11-30T00:41:00.000-08:00

The over-all view

2005-11-30T00:40:00.000-08:00

Richard standing at the gate!!

2005-11-30T00:31:00.001-08:00

I am standing beside a sign-board saying" tourist police call 1155"

2005-11-30T00:31:00.000-08:00

This is the suan lom night-market!!

2005-11-30T00:28:00.000-08:00

Another plate of olive rice..but this taste diffrence and it's alot more dirty...i saw cockroaches crawling all over the stall only after i order...oh mine...

2005-11-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

It's the teriyaki burger...and it's a pork burger!! but it taste the same..and the price is almost the same too....

2005-11-30T00:07:00.000-08:00

Macdonald's meal...i order a teriyaki burger..

2005-11-30T00:06:00.001-08:00

Another pic before bed...the antique looking phone of the hotel..

2005-11-30T00:06:00.000-08:00

Nobody want to take mine pic..so i have to take myself..haha...anyway...watever!@!!@!

2005-11-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

*Oh mine..She is day-dreaming again!!*

2005-11-30T00:04:00.001-08:00

*Where is mine food*Falling asleep soon!!

2005-11-30T00:04:00.000-08:00

A hungry man is a angry man!!HAHA...look at yelly's angry face...

2005-11-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

This is Soda water..or called sparkling water...

2005-11-30T00:02:00.001-08:00

Central's logo together with the beautiful light..

2005-11-30T00:02:00.000-08:00

The is Central shopping central...counted as one of the more high class one..They had already started to lit up for christmas...

2005-11-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Waiting patiently for yelly!!While she is shopping for the lingeries!!...

2005-11-29T23:58:00.000-08:00

The gate and the golden rooster to chinatown..

2005-11-29T23:57:00.001-08:00

Trying to take the tuk-tuk..but only manage to get the seat part of the vehicle..

2005-11-29T23:57:00.000-08:00

Their mail box...so antique looking lor...

2005-11-29T23:56:00.000-08:00

Taken in a cab..a jeep somewhere on the street..

2005-11-29T23:55:00.001-08:00

Forced to smile...haha

2005-11-29T23:55:00.000-08:00

While waiting for everyone to be ready..

2005-11-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

Preparing to go out for shopping again..

2005-11-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

HAHA...good nite everyone!!...

2005-11-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

Yelly sleeps with a t-shirt covering her head..only left her mouth expose..haha...maybe i can black-mail her wit this pic..haha

2005-11-29T23:24:00.001-08:00

A view from where i am slping..Light off..everyone to lala land..

2005-11-29T23:24:00.000-08:00

Ops...it's so blur..

2005-11-29T23:22:00.001-08:00

Oh..it's a pair of PUMA shoe..haha...It cost me 380...baht la...haha...

2005-11-29T23:22:00.000-08:00

Richard jumping off to bed after a tired and long day..haha...

2005-11-29T23:20:00.001-08:00

This is yelly's prizes of victory after 2 days of shopping..haha..

2005-11-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

OH MINE!! The Dunkin donuts are so super delicious...i wanted to bring them back to spore..but bags too full..haha...

2005-11-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

Second day after chatuchat market...

2005-11-29T23:18:00.001-08:00

First day of shopping..

2005-11-29T23:18:00.000-08:00

After lots of walking...wiping off the sweat...

2005-11-29T23:17:00.001-08:00

Yelly carring lots of big and small bags after shopping at ISETAN!!